What bitterness
when coming spring
reminds only of
impending fall
The spark of fresh life
tasting of the burnt out ash
from long ago bonfires
Memories are the thinnest cloak
pretending to keep out the chill
yet ultimately unable
The crocus pushes frozen earth aside
and the failing heart cracks
like hoarfrost


© RCGA 2013

To A Bored Domme

You stand akimbo, leather clad,
the ultimate of femme and bad;
and yet, I do not buy your sneer--
it is too pained, too insincere.
Despite your practiced flick of wrist,
your polished stance, your high heeled twist…
your tightened lips and narrowed eye
are less sadistic than they’re wry.


Your subjugates kneel and present;
of pleasure you show not a hint.
They kiss your boots, they beg to please,
your moue looks like you need to sneeze.


Oh Wielder of the Nine-Tailed Whip,
perhaps it’s time you took a trip?
Somewhere sans flogger, strap-on free,
perhaps a nice pink bikini?
Unwind those braids, let down your hair
peel off the rubber underwear;
unlace your corset, take a breath
before you’re Mistressed half to death.


(c) RCGA 2013

Brand New Key Redux

I rode my Harley past your window last night
I revved my motor at your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm OK alone but you've got something I need, well

{Refrain}
I've gotta brand new pair of service cuffs
You've gotta brand new key
I think that we should get together and
Try them on to see
I been lookin' around awhile
You got somethin’ for me
Oh, I gotta brand new pair of service cuffs
You gotta brand new key

I ride my bike, wear leather boots, don't drive no car
I go too fast, and I go pretty far
It’s true I’ve been there done that, I been all around the world
Some people say I done all right for a girl

I asked your Mama if you were at home
She said yes, but you weren't alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you're avoiding me
I'm OK alone but you got something I need, well

{Refrain}

A little humor for the weekend, my filk of a folk classic

;-)

Jolie Blonde

You stood up in the fishing boat,

a silhouette against the sunset,

shirtless and damp,

your blond curls wet and tangled.

I couldn’t see anything of your face,

just the flash of your smile

and the twinkle in your eye

as you held up the trot line and grinned,

talking some bullshit …

it was always some bullshit, wasn’t it …

it sounded so good in your patois.

I handed you the bait and tracked a trickle of sweat

down your belly into your well-worn jeans

while you pretended not to notice,

but looked down my shirt in trade.

Warm water lapped at aluminum.

Somewhere a fish jumped and plopped.

Cicadas tuned up

and you started singing

some Cajun thing I couldn’t understand …

didn’t really need to …

we both knew it was your version of foreplay,

softening me for the quick cold hose shower we’d give each other

before fleeing the mosquitoes

into the camp to strip

forgetting the fish bucket on the deck,

because dinner could wait

but we couldn’t.

RCGA, 2011

Bodhi Work

That part of me that recognizes
the gradient between ethereal and solid,
firm and pliant
wants you lying nascent in the afternoon sunlight,
quiescent yet tremblingly responsive,
a beautiful instrument
reclining on my table
being lovingly oiled,
tuned,
played.

What music will you make?

December Morning

The sky is slate

and covers beckon

where you lie warmly

waiting with hands to mold me

soft clay into a vessel to contain you



My shivers are not from the chill



Through the frost-paned windows

only a gray light crosses

our shadowed privacy

yet I can see your eyes glowing

like winter fire



RCGA, 2010

Mail Order

Mail Order
a space sonnet

The men stood restless on the loading dock.
All eyes scanned for the signs of transport ships.
Each one, past nonchalance, had checked the clock,
Attuned in thought, the same prayer on their lips.

At last the cloudless sky rained down the pods
Like dandelion fluff; and out they rowed
Into the bay with nets in eager squads -
The clutch of longed for eggs carefully towed.

One rower paused and gazed upon a face
Still in the sweet repose of cryosleep;
A snow white beauty in her clear glass case,
The sight of which made him both laugh and weep.

“The brides have come!” he cried, and all joined in
A shout of joy from pioneers: “Women!”

RCGA

New Waltz

The band is tuning up again;

I hear the subtle thread

of a song I’ve heard many times before,

music that has taken me

over many miles

waltzing in the arms of strangers

friends

and lovers.



Which are you?



I see you standing at the edge

tapping your foot in time

a hand extended

and I am already anticipating

the breathless whirl you’re offering.



Ah, my heart is shameless.



It is dancing ahead



outpacing the rhythm



precessing me across the empty space



eager



foolish



giddy



before we’ve even taken the floor.



RCGA 2010

Lover’s Farewell

I can still remember,
and will always,
the sheen of your skin in the moonlight
the first time you were bare for me,
and the gleam in your eyes
I recognized as echo of my own.

Ah, alas.

For all the nights of pleasure
for all the mornings of warm comfort
settled in your arms.
Alas for the fret moments
wondering how you fared
when we were apart
and the anticipation of knowing
we’d be together soon.

Time was suspended for a while
and we reveled in it
darlings of some goddess of passion
worshipping at the altar of each other.

Now…
now we part
and I know I have no will to say goodbye
so I give you this
the distillation of my memories
perfumed with the last scent of our bodies rising
scribed with the nail-scores of lost control.

You will abide with me
like a treasure hoarded in my chest
locked within my heart
yet never seen again but in my mind.

I saw how the moon loved you
when I held you that first time
and I knew you were only mine for a spell;
I can no more possess you
than I can that gleam that sparkled in your eyes
when you lay down for me.

RCGA. 2010

Light

There’s a bit of sunlight trapped in your hair

just there

I think I can capture it with my lips
if I am careful

and maybe I can transfer it to your mouth
with mine

give you a taste of the bright beauty
you’ve brought to me

RCGA,2010

Tantra

I am holding out my hand to you.
I am the Earth…
I am your Goddess Lover
I am deep, and warm, and as fertile
as the longest of your full night dreams --
naked as the Moon,
blinding as the Sun,
more intoxicating than swallowing Stars.
If you touch me,
you will know what it means to be alive --
you will understand how the rhythm of your breath
is the axis upon which Eternity spins.
The fire of inspiration
waits, banked, to light our joining.

RCGA, 2010

Inebriated

I am intoxicated
by the cadence of your voice
by your playfulness
by your eagerness
by the shape of your being.

I would like to let you protect me
even though I don’t really need it

just because I imagine
how delightful sleeping in your arms would be

tipsy from
your scent
your sound
your way.

RCGA, 2010

Listening

Once I woke in the night
thinking I heard your voice
calling my name

and ever since
I cannot sleep for waiting

to hear it again.

RCGA, 2010

Respiration

The long day stumbles,
falling into sultry night

and I am so tired

I breathe,

remembering what's been forgotten,
surrendered
to the hypnotism of life...

Spirit rises.

Sweet
silent shadowed space
surrounds,

soft shelter of soul,

transcendence.

I breathe,

abandoned to the swell,
the slow rushing wonder
of air and ether joining,

swaying lungs
like a ship's sails filling,

rippling taut,

releasing.

Somewhere near
the sweating cicadas rouse
and talk to the moon,

counterpointing the cycle

with rattling timbals.

RCGA, 2010

Twined

I dreamed about you last night
tantric twined
above and around you

and all the while I knew
it was a dream

and all the while I wondered
if you were dreaming too

If you dreamed me
above and around you
rising and falling

if you knew it was a dream
and that I was dreaming too

RCGA, 2010

Rattling the Cage

Not one word.
Don’t open your lips
even to say you love me

because

it would be too much.

I am already at a crisis,
a flashpoint,
walls buckling with the tension
of holding all this in.

I do not know how to let go
after all this time.

What if I opened my hands,
unlocked the cage,
opened the door?

Ah, you would run,
don’t think that you wouldn’t.

No one standing could face this,
and lying down, much worse…

You might instead
scramble into the cage,
shutting yourself in,
and then where would I be?

Tending you,
a wild thing mastered by freedom.

Please do not speak.
It would be too much.

RCGA, 2010

Shore

I believe in the infinitesimal diamonds
living in the sand,
thousands on thousands
clinging to your feet
as you pace by the sea.

I know you like I know myself,
which is not too much,
but enough for now…
scented of salt water
warmed in summer sun,
oceans within you shifting,
pouring out and extending
towards some far horizon.

Look, there is a shell
empty of its passenger
weathered and half-buried
reminding me that today is not the first day
that the world did not begin
when you looked at me.

RCGA, 2010

Daddy's Girl

A long time ago, it seems
I was born
in a Hollywood hospital
to a Southern Belle
and her intemperate Hispanic husband…
and I was loved.

From the time I came into the world
I always knew I was Daddy’s Girl.

Daddy
who walked me to sleep
who lifted me to the pulpit to sing
who paid me to shine his Sunday shoes
who gave me free range of his library
who settled my rebellion with a look
who told me nobody was good enough for me
but that I would make a lousy wife anyway.

Daddy
who in the pain of parting from Mom
gave me to her because, he said, she needed me more
but really, he knew he’d be living hand to mouth
to support our separate households alone.

Daddy
who every year on my birthday
tells me the story
of the nurse coming out of the delivery room
and saying, “Mr. Gutierrez, you have a daughter.”

Daddy.

I’m glad you finally said you are proud of me.
I’ll always be your girl.

RCGA, 2010

Elixir

I have wanted you
like cool water
and you have been
that draught for me

You are a shiny thing
hidden in the bottom of the glass
that hypnotizes me
and makes me forget
where I am going

For a moment
I can imagine having you
I can indulge myself in the fantasy
before what is interrupts what might be

I have told myself again and again
to open up my fingers
even if the glass breaks
and yet, I keep drinking
because you are the elixir and the jewel
so satisfying, so beautiful

RCGA 2010

Secret

Am I your dirty secret, then?
It's not the first time
I have been

an unacknowledged paramour
slipped in and out
the servant door.

In all your grief of things you've lost,
I am not mentioned...
to my cost.

Yes, I am angry, and alone
no private grief for me --
I own

each single moment that we shared
when I imagined that you cared.

Deluded me. I was a spell
repeated often
written well

but always used in private space
unable to claim pride of place

A concubine, a chere amie...
you were much more than that to me.

Sincere apologies I send
that secret still
here at the end

I cannot speak your name aloud;
what we had lived
beneath a cloud.