Neither Ready, Nor Prepared

Both day and night I find myself
so hungry my knees tremble
and it isn't for food, for liquor, for romance...

I'm starving for the lost parts, the times of being pampered and spoiled,
the rubbing-my-back-until-I-fall-asleep and the reminders to eat and rest.
I am suffused with nostalgia
for the pleasures of routine,
the absolute wallowing boredom of secure sameness.

They seem the most intensely beautiful things, now
those dull days, running into one another.

The good times always seem so superior in retrospect,
so shiny faced, pictures of old holidays
where everyone is smiling, frozen in a single moment of joy.

It was never the good old days.
There were certainly excellent moments
but any meal replicated can't match the memory of itself
because it's not just the food, not just the liquor...
its the romance we perceived in it
the magic of that minute
the alchemy of you, and them, and then, and there.

Did I say it was boring? Maybe it was.
Maybe I think boring is romantic
at this stage of my life.

Someone else can rub my back.
Will it be the same?
Not hardly.
But pray heaven, it will still be an excellent moment
I'll remember as good times.

 

RCGA

MeMe's Purple Dawn

Perfection

Nobody's perfect
but sometimes there is perfection
even for the broken and flawed
when some other
just as fractured
lifts you to the light
to show your rainbows
and proclaims you
beautiful

RCGA 2010

I AM YOUR GODDESS

In ancient forests I was there for you,   

A constant presence, nascent and aware.

Meandering in brooks of crystal blue

You knew me like your breath, the very air.

Our sweet communion soothed your wild heart

Until you learned to build a wall of stone,

Restraining all my power with your art.

Gone from our glade you walked away, alone.

Occasionally you came back to me

Depleted in your spirits and your mind,

Depending on deep memories set free.

Eased in your soul, you still left me behind.

Someday you’ll come and claim me for your own

Someday you’ll recognize I’ve always known.

RCGA

Kisatchie Pinecones

Days and Nights

The days run into one another
jostling children in a queue
mindless of what came before
and what comes after
eager just to get there


Nights spread out
deep desert sands
chill and dry and contemplative
elderly women staring up
at Orion
longing for something
just out of memory


I am between them
the children and the women
watching the sun set
feeling the moon rise
sweating and shivering
counting clouds
and stars


RCGA

Witte Wieven

It's late for frost, but just last night

a strong one fell on everything

that bit the soft presumptuous leaves

and iced my garden's flowerlings.


Before the dawn I went outdoors;

it's just a short walk to Fern Park,

and though the path is not well lit

I'd know my way there in the dark.


My grandpa lies there, granite bound

and has been there for many years;

next to him lies my grandmother:

"She shared her smiles and hid her tears".


I felt the cold bench through my clothes

and pondered the grey slab of stone

with aching body, wondering

if death is better than alone.


For sixty-seven years they lay

beside each other since they wed,

and nine long years after he passed

she still made room for him in bed.


I always wanted love like that

the kind that goes past "death us part"

but now that I have loved, and lost,

I don't know what to tell my heart.


A witte wieven was drifting up

as sunrise came and warmed my head

I left some flowers and a prayer

for both the living and the dead.


RCGA

Saudade

Quietly, now
Come closer with your sorrow
Place it near mine
Let them nestle together

They look so alike
The echoes of our singular pain
How can it be?
Does grief have a lineage?

I would reject my own
As a bastard born broken, hideous
Except that it is so dear
I cannot release it yet

Not to the world, at least
Not for the examination of strangers
But for you, sad counterpart
I will pull back the blanket

Ours is understanding
Clad in darkness, weeds and armbands
Carrying these burdens
Recognizing their sameness

Quietly, now
While their howls are quiescent
Let us find comfort
Place your hand in mine

RCGA

For The Birds

Peacock spreads his tail,
a display of eyes.
He struts the lawn
and prances for emphasis:
‘I see you wherever you go…
I know your every movement…
I reign supreme…
Look upon my majesty.’
Peahen in her drab
huddles, clutching a branch.
She wails from her perch,
her voice
sounding like madness.


RCGA

Aside

If I give in to this urge
there will certainly be a moment…
oh, more than a moment…
probably an hour, at least,
of sheer, indulgent bliss.
Oh, sinuous temptation,
tickling me with your forked tongue
in unmentionable places.
I am reminded
by your dangerous whispers
of my mortality
of time’s brevity
of opportunity’s limitations.
But how short is life, really?
Not short enough, apparently
to avoid waking with a headache
and regrets.
Trickster, stop poking me in the id;
I have enough heartburn
without eating fire.

RCGA